


Hello, Old Friend

by sunnyskipper



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen, Ghost TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Ghost Wilbur Soot, Mentions of Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27954884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnyskipper/pseuds/sunnyskipper
Summary: Things snowballed after Tommy's exile, it all happened so fast and no one could have predicted the future events. Especially not Tubbo himself, already dealing with choosing to exile his best friend Tommy and leaving him to fend for himself outside of L'manburg, he didn't expect to see his friend again so soon, and definitely not as a ghost with no recollection of their friendship.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 248





	1. A Lonely Ghost

The day Tommy lost his last life had been a cold, unforgivable one. There had been no war, Dream didn't even lay a hand on him, he did it to himself. He jumped. The day Dream delivered the news to President Tubbo, was one filled with anger and grief, so much so that a war almost broke out then and there. 

Tubbo didn't believe it. He refused to consider that after all him and Tommy's been through, he'd just give up like that, when he was so desperate to receive his discs for whatever reason he still couldn't comprehend, but it was a good enough reason to keep pushing him forward. No, instead he convinced himself that Tommy had make an escape, somehow, he outsmarted Dream - he's done it once before, but not to this level. 

He must have come up with an elaborate plan to escape from Dream and return to L'manburg, which somehow worked. He fought back with Dream, argued that he's lying to everyone, and he shouldn't have listened to him in the first place. He really shouldn't have. Surprisingly, Dream didn't argue back, he stayed silent for the most part, before softly telling Tubbo that he's sorry, and that he should've stopped him.

The moment he left L'manburg, Tubbo informed everyone to keep an eye out for Tommy, who must be on their way here. It worked, because no one believed a word Dream said. They knew Tommy, they knew he wouldn't throw away everything - L'manburg, the discs, his friends... just for what? Dream had to be lying, and once Tommy is home again, they'll make him regret ever taking him away. 

It happened a few days after Dream's visit, Ranboo yelled out to everyone that he'd found Tommy. Just when Tubbo had started growing anxious, Tommy was down to his last life after all, wandering through who knows where with not much on him, if anything at all. But of course he'd push through and find his way back, he always does. 

Tubbo pushed through the others, tears in the corners of his eyes. Then, he saw Ranboo standing there, and Tommy walked out from behind him but - but... he looked at Ranboo again, and for some reason, he wasn't overjoyed at Tommy's arrival, he wasn't even smiling. He mumbled "I'm sorry," and Tubbo swore he misheard, his voice had been so quiet. He looked back at Tommy, expecting the blonde to run to him, and they'd hug, and apologize to each other for everything─

"T-Tommy...?"

Gasps came from behind him, shocked at the sight before them. It was indeed Tommy standing there, but... he looked like Ghostbur, in a way. His pale, transparent skin and hollow eyes that held no pupils, and had lost their glow. The tips of his clothes, like his sleeves, were burnt off, and there was this heavy scent of ash. It took a few moments for his mind to properly realize the grave truth.

"Yeah... that's me, but who are you supposed to be?"

Despite the initial critique Tubbo received upon choosing to exile his best friend, Tommy, he believed it had been the right choice. He couldn't allow them to start another war, that would ultimately destroy the nation once again, and they might not recover from that. He was doing the right thing, he had to let Tommy go, but he wasn't alone, he had Ghostbur, and he knew that others would come visit and check up on him. 

It was his own fault anyways, really.

He's the one to blame.

Right?

Tears streamed down Tubbo's face as he stood there in silence, horrified, while Tommy ─ tilted his head in mere confusion. He didn't know him. It's like how Ghostbur forgot things, practically everything after the election, Schlatt... he forgot all the bad parts, and remembered the moments he cherished and were happy in.

Tommy doesn't remember him.

Tommy stared past him, at everyone else gathered around. "Hey, why is everyone looking at me like that? Niki, big Q?" He asked, stepping forward and walking straight past Tubbo without sparing a glance at him. He remembered those two, and judging by Ranboo's pitiful look, he remembers him, too. He probably remembers everyone, except for Dream, Schlatt, the enemies... and him.

"Y-you really don't remember me?" Tubbo asked, lowering his head he balled his hands into shaky fists. Tommy came to a stop, and slowly looked over his shoulder at Tubbo. He furrowed his brows in confusion and turned to face him. 

"No? What, who are you?" He sounded the same, like he doesn't even know he died. Tubbo can't bring himself to look at him, to stare into his familiar yet dead eyes that pierce straight through him. If Dream had kept a better eye on him, this wouldn't have happened. He... was telling the truth after all.

"Tommy, that's Tubbo, you don't recognize him at all?" Quackity asked, stepping forward. Tommy stared at him, then back at Tubbo, searching his blank, empty mind for the name "Tubbo", but it didn't ring a bell. 

Tubbo gritted his teeth, his vision blurry from all the tears. He lifted his head and turned to face Tommy, looking at him dead in the eye. "You! You ─ why?! You said you cared about us! The discs, L'manburg! So why would you give up and-and─" he grabbed him by his collar, shaking him, but then his hands fell right through his transparant body and he fell to his knees, sobbing. "Why...? I know I exiled you, but I was doing the right thing for this nation, why couldn't you understand that...?" 

"The discs..." Tommy whispered under his breath. Tubbo's breath hitched, and he looked over his shoulder at Tommy, who stared down at his transparent hands. He slowly raised his head and met Tubbo's gaze, and for a brief moment, his eyes flickered with that familiarity, just for a second his eyes returned to their bright, oceanic blue, before returning to a cold, icy dead colour that could barely even be considered blue. 

Tubbo shakily stood up with Ranboo's help, and wiped the tears with his sleeve and sniffled. "T-the discs... the discs you fought with Dream over, the whole thing that started this mess, why I exiled you..." he brushed Ranboo's hand off his shoulder, and stepped forward. He didn't remember him, he didn't remember the discs... "what do you remember?"

Tommy appeared to think for a moment, staring down at his feet that were touching the ground but at the same time, weren't. He was just floating there, giving off the illusion he was standing with his feet planted on the ground. He forced out a chuckle, and attempted to run a hand through his hair, forgetting that he couldn't. He looked back at Tubbo and the pained expression he gave him; he wanted to cry, but he couldn't. 

"I-I remember big Q, Niki, uh... Ranboo! And Ghostbur... Technoblade, Fundy, and uh, uh..." he began pacing back and forth, speaking whatever came to mind, before coming to a stop with his back turned to Tubbo, and he raised his head. In front of him stood L'manburg, with the walls mostly torn down now, it was truly quite the sight to see, with a magical Christmas tree that caught his attention and left him speechless. "L'manburg..." the name rolled off his tongue, and for a moment, it felt like his heart was still beating within his chest. "I... remember L'manburg, taking it back from Technoblade, and then we elected a new president, which was..." he slowly turned around to face Tubbo, who's breath hitched and his heart skipped a beat.

Only for Tommy to stare straight past him. "Ranboo, right? We elected Ranboo as president!" Only for his heart to sink again, and he lost all strength in his body, falling to his knees though Ranboo tried to hold him up. Tommy only stared at him confused, not understanding his reaction. He was back home... but at what cost? He couldn't have just waited, and come up with a plan to return to L'manburg, alive and well? 

He can't deal with this. He pushed himself to his feet and lightly pushed Ranboo away, turning on his heel and entering L'manburg without sparing a glance at anyone, and no one called out to him. He needed time alone, and Ranboo almost followed, but hesitated, turning back to Tommy. All eyes were on him, and he didn't even understand the situation, looking back down at his hands. Quackity tried to place a hand on his shoulder, but it fell straight through.

"I'm... dead?" 

He sounded more puzzled than anything, no shock, no big reaction. He just accepted it, or more like he didn't understand it. Of course, he doesn't remember. 

Everyone around him were still suffering from shock, at a loss. None of them stopped Tommy from being exiled, they just watched, although some of them had come to visit, make sure he was okay ─ he very clearly wasn't. They could have prevented this, but it was all too late for that. When Wilbur lost his last canon life, and became Ghostbur, that had been a lot easier to accept for the majority. He'd gone insane, there was no hope left in saving him, everyone accepted that and moved on. Tommy, on the other hand, still had things worth fighting for. Though, those things he cared about had betrayed him, all at once, even if they still wanted to help him, it didn't change the fact that he was all alone, far, far away from L'manburg. From his home, and the people he called his friends, who had left him on his own just because he had acted a little recklessly. He didn't know, he didn't think... he was just a child, after all, one formed by war and conflict that changed him. 

He'd been exiled once, it didn't go well, he went through a lot but in the end he survived. The second time he got exiled, by his own best friend, he didn't last long. 

Tommy felt pain where his heart was, even though he had nothing left to feel, even his own fingers were numb. Though there was still this warmth in his chest, this... fire, and the smell of something burning. But he couldn't understand why, he searched his empty mind for thoughts, and memories that were no longer there, surrounded by shattered glass that once formed an image. 

What happened?


	2. I Bet My Life

They were so close, once upon a time. Best friends right from the very beginning, from the moment Phil found Tubbo on a street corner in a box and decided to bring him home, Tommy and Tubbo became the best of friends, brothers. They only grew closer as the years went on and they grew up together, their bond growing stronger. They gained independence for L'manberg together, and even after Tommy and Wilbur were exiled and all alone, their bond didn't waver, even while Tubbo was under Schlatt's control, and he ended up paying the price for it, he didn't regret his actions. He may have lost one life to being a traitor, but he wouldn't have had it any other way.

He joined Pogtopia, fought by Tommy's side as Wilbur slowly fell into madness, and they promised to stick together, because they only had each other. Though the road was hard, they managed to make it to the end. L'manberg was blown up, Wilbur, Tommy's brother who Tubbo also considered his close brother, had perished to the man they knew as their father. Tubbo was elected President, and Tommy vice President, still standing by his side. Things could have turned out better, with the destruction of L'manberg, Wilbur's death, and Techno's betrayal, but they also could have turned out worse. Ghostbur appeared, and they began their rebuilding of their nation.

It could have been history from there, no more problems to worry about, no more lives lost. In a perfect world, that would've gone to plan. For a while, it seemed like that dream could be a reality... They were making new friends; Ranboo, Captain Puffy... before it all came crashing down. Tubbo wasn't there when it happened, things were okay one moment, and the next, Dream built obsidian walls around their precious nation; their home, punishing them and trapping them inside. Someone had griefed, and burnt down King George's house, and when he was told that Tommy, out of people had been responsible... he, he didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to do.

But Dream knew. He was furious, demanding that he exile Tommy or else, while Tubbo tried to calm him down, reason with him somehow. But Tommy just had to dig himself a grave, just when Tubbo thought he would be able to save his dear friend, he was pushed aside and could only watch as he set himself aflame, without even realizing his mistake. Not only was he hurting himself, he was bringing L'manberg down with him, after all of the effort and work everyone put into restoring it. 

The events of war were happening all over again, right before his very eyes. If he didn't put a stop to this foolishness, then L'manberg would be brought down again once more. Tommy was already forming an army against Dream, Quackity and Fundy by his side, and if he continued, then Dream wouldn't hesitate to show him who's in control. And once that happened, there was no going back; they'd lose L'manberg once and for all.

So, he had to do the only thing he could. He thought over it many, many times before in his head, desperately trying to come up with another way to solve this, to save both the nation, and his friend. He couldn't bear to lose either of them. 

But what he didn't realize, was that he'd lost his nation before, but even so, Tommy never left his side. They still had each other in Pogtopia, they only had each other. When he made the wrong choice that day, he wasn't thinking straight. Dream wanted power, and he'd get that by having Tommy's discs, and Tommy... he said it himself, the only things he cared about were those discs. So much that he'd be willing to put L'manberg at stake, when he had once gone to war for it. And so he did what he thought had been the right choice at the time, exile him. 

And he couldn't have regretted it anymore than he did, as he watched Dream escort Tommy away, who tried to protest, but realized it was no use. The broken expression he wore made a small tear in Tubbo's heart, but he didn't utter a word as Quackity and Fundy argued with him. Yet that's all they did, the only one who followed Tommy had been Ghostbur, who didn't fully understand the seriousness of the situation at hand. It didn't take long for Tubbo to realize what he'd done, and regret it... but it was too late to take it back now, he had made his decision and stood by it as the President of L'manberg. The people needed him, the nation needed him, and if exilling Tommy meant keeping L'manberg and it's residents safe, then so be it.

Though as time passed, and Tommy spent days alone in isolation, aside from Ghostbur and a few visits from friends, the tear in Tubbo's heart slowly grew wider. He didn't want to become President, he didn't ask for it. It all happened so fast, sometimes it's just a blur in his mind. At one point, they were fighting against Dream for independence, then they received it and all was right. Then, Schlatt took over as President, exiling both Wilbur and Tommy... and from that point onwards, chaos ensued. No one was happy, their home, L'manberg had been turned into a prison, almost. It was no longer their home, not under Schlatt's rule. Instead, it became a battlefield.

Though, from what Ghostbur and Ranboo told him, Tommy was doing... okay, but he had yet to confront him himself. He couldn't bare to look his old friend in the eyes again, at least not yet. He hated him, he knew that for a fact, no matter how much people would try to convince him otherwise, telling him that Tommy still cared for him and missed him dearly, the most out of anyone. But how could he, after what he'd done, betraying him when he once risked everything for him?

He couldn't believe how things had changed in so little time. He wanted to make things right, he had to, but he didn't have the faintest clue where to start. But, when Ghostbur handed him a compass named "Your Tommy" that would always point in the direction of Tommy, at all times, he knew he had to do something, and soon. 

But he never got the chance to. 

He was gone, he was dead. He had lost his closest friend... to what? Himself? Which would have never happened if, if he didn't exile him. If instead, he stood by his side like he promised he would, and they stood tall against Dream, as brothers. Yeah, what a horrible brother he's been. Tommy doesn't even remember him, he'd understand if he forgot all the fighting, the arguing and only remembered the happy moments ─ there were a lot of those. Like how Ghostbur completely forgot about everything that happened after the election, heck, he doesn't even recall losing the election. Why couldn't it have been like that? That way, he would have still lost Tommy, but... not completely.

He kept walking, lost in his thoughts until he finally came to a stop. Glancing to his side, he stared blankly at the bench... but not just any old bench. He could almost hear Tommy's voice, sounding like he was right beside him, sitting at the bench. His voice didn't sound empty, not like him at all, no, it was bright and cheerful, and loud. The corner of his mouth curled into a slight smile, and tears began running down his face. Was he really that much of a... bad person, to forget every moment they spent together, erasing him from every memory? If it were him in that situation, if he had lost his life one way or another...

Would it be the same result?

"Tubbo?" Hearing the familiar, concerned voice from behind, he let out a short scream and quickly jumped around to face the person ─ ghost, actually. He wiped the tears from his eyes and sniffled. 

"What do you want, Ghostbur?" He asked, lowering his head and wiping his eyes with his sleeve as the tears kept on forming in his eyes. He didn't want to stare him in the eyes, and see that pitiful, guilty expression on his sickly pale, almost grey face. He hated it. It didn't take long for him to get over Wilbur's death, and to start recognizing him as his own person, accepting that the Wilbur he once knew and loved as a brother had long passed, and would never be seen again. He couldn't bare to think the same way towards Tommy, he can't... he can't say goodbye. Even though it means that Tommy is already long gone, and this... ghost taking his place isn't really him, he doesn't want to think about it. So he pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind, at least for now.

Ghostbur tried to reach out his hand and comfort Tubbo, but as he often forgot, his hand only phased straight through his shoulder, sending a cold chill down his body. Tubbo's crying paused, at the realization the same thing would only happen with Tommy. He couldn't hold his best friend anymore, recalling how the taller boy was always so clingy around him, often having his arm wrapped around his shoulder, or just resting on it due to their height difference. Now, there'd just be faint phantom touches, and cold shivers. 

He can't do this. 

He sat down on the bench, pulling his legs to his chest he rested his arms on his knees and buried his head in them. Even though Ghostbur could only float, he lowered himself onto the bench and once again, attempted to reach out to comfort him, before remembering he couldn't and slowly pulled his hand away. "Tubbo─"

"No! Don't try to make me feel better! You, you told me he was getting used to being away from everyone, you said he was sad but you didn't say he was─" Tubbo cut himself off there, staring into Ghostbur's wide eyes in silence for a few seconds. He slowly lowered his head, hiding his face again as the tears started coming back, and he balled his hands into shaky fists. "You acted like he was okay! You... you were the only one by his side, he must've depended on you, so why weren't you there to stop him?!" He yelled, raising his head to look at him again as tears rolled down his cheeks. 

Ghostbur took his words into consideration, and although they were harsh, Tubbo didn't apologize, he didn't want to. Ghostbur lowered his head, a deep frown across his face as the two of them sat in silence for a few moments. "I... I thought he was okay... he seemed okay. He missed everyone, you especially, and I kept telling him that it was only a vacation home, that... one day, he'd return home..." he paused, almost hesitating to continue. "I thought he was okay, I didn't think he'd... I didn't leave him alone for too long..."

Tubbo's hands began to shake, and he rose to his feet. "He's a ghost now, Wilbur! He's dead, and he doesn't remember me!"

"M-maybe it's for the best that he doesn't remember! A fresh start, he only remembers the good things!"

The "good things", those words were like an arrow straight through the heart, and something inside him snapped. "But he doesn't remember me! If he only remembers the good things, and forget the bad things ─ like Schlatt, Dream, then why did he forget me?! You went crazy and blew up the nation, Wilbur, it makes sense you don't remember all the bad things you did! And yet, he still remembers you! Despite all the stuff you put him through! So... why won't he remember me? We, we were always together since we were kids, always by each other's side... I, I thought he cared about me." 

Memories of Dream yelling furiously at Tommy flashed through his mind, how he threatened to exile him. He was scared, so scared in that moment that he could hardly even fake bravery, his hands shaking, his eyes wide and full of fear as his lips curled into a sheepish, strained smile. Tubbo's hands stopped shaking, and he fell back onto the bench, staring up at the sky. 

"He, he did... but, I pushed him away and... I thought I was doing the right fix, Ghostbur. I thought I could fix it, I thought after some time he'd be allowed back, or I could go visit him and we could still be friends..." The sky was a nice, clear blue with not many clouds, but he could hardly make it out through his blurry, tear-filled eyes. Ghostbur stayed quiet, and he almost forgot he was still there, and not all alone. Minutes passed with no exchange, and not a sound to be heard, just... silence.

He slowly rose to his feet, and from the corner of his eye saw Ghostbur still standing there. He wiped the tears from his eyes, and nothing could have prepared him for what he saw when he turned around. Standing there, just a few feet away... had been Tommy. But, it wasn't really him anymore, was it...? Just an empty shell, a memory of him.

"You're not him," he whispered, staring right at the pale boy, who floated just slightly above the ground. His eyes were so hollow and lifeless, as the scent of ash filled the air. He didn't say a word, and there's no telling how long he'd been standing there, and how much he overheard. Would it even make a difference, anyways? He just stared at him blankly, no emotion on his face. Proving that he really was just an empty shell of the Tommy he once knew. He may look like him, but he isn't. 

He opened his mouth to speak, those dull eyes burning through him, but he closed his mouth without saying a word, balling his hands into fists. Without even glancing at Ghostbur, he turned on his heel and walked away from the both of them, gritting his teeth as he glared at the ground. As he walked, he didn't hear anything, but ghosts don't have footsteps. A sudden chill ran down his back and he stopped in his tracks, spinning around to immediately lock eyes with Tommy ─ no, Ghostinnit or... they'd have to come up with a new name for this... being. 

He waited for him to say something, anything, yet he kept his mouth closed. Tubbo's hands clenched into fists, his ragged nails from biting on them dug into the palms of his hands. His usually soft and gentle eyes were wild, displaying a mixture of emotions; anger, sadness, at both him and himself. "What do you want?!" He shouted, and despite the look on his face that'd throw anyone off guard and intimidate them even in the slightest, it seemed to have no effect on him.

Slowly, the ghost parted its lips to speak, but on second thought, Tubbo didn't want to hear any of it. He turned away and marched off, feeling the tears start to well up in the corners of his eyes once more.

"I'm sorry."

At first, he thought it had been Ghostbur's almost silent voice that he overheard, but at the same time, he knew it wasn't. His eyes going wide, he came to a halt and slowly turned around to look back at... the ghost, who hadn't moved an inch. Just, standing there, as if it were nothing more than an illusion, a figment of his imagination and to be honest, he would've preferred if it were. Before he could shake it off and turn away, he heard it again.

"I'm sorry." As if it thought he didn't hear him the first time. That quiet, basically emotionless voice that he couldn't not recognize, though it sounded different from what he remembered, it was still his voice. He watched as his lips slowly moved, and he spoke those words, as he stared at him un-blinking. "Tubbo, your name is... Tubbo, right?" 

His heart sank, and his shoulders fell. His hands opened up, his nails leaving marks on his palms. "What... what are you sorry for?" He asked softly, his throat somewhat sore from all the crying and yelling. The ghost opened his mouth to speak, but appeared to hesitate. He glanced down at the ground beneath his feet, then at the sky before back at Tubbo again, and spoke.

"You're... angry at me, for not remembering you, right?" 

This ghost, whatever it is, it isn't Tommy. It looks like him, and it even sounds like him, but it doesn't talk like him, he doesn't act like him. He forced out a chuckle, and a strained smile crossed his lips. "What are you trying to do?" 

The ghost's emotionless expression shifted, and vaguely resembled confusion as he tilted his head. He doesn't want to be remembered, he can't recreate all those happy moments together, they've succumbed to the past and they've become nothing more than a burden to him. The ghost tried to speak, but he didn't let it, he wouldn't be able to handle it. "I-I'm sorry, I... I can't do this," shaking his head, he laughed a little. His cheeks were stained with dried tears that ran down his face, and he's not sure if he has any left. He slowly backed away, keeping his head low as to not meet the ghost's gaze, whose eyes never left him. He wasn't sure where he was supposed to go now, but almost anywhere was better than here, and so... he left. Once more, leaving Tommy in the background, not quite understanding what he had done wrong or... how to fix it. 

There had to be some way, right?


	3. Can You Hold Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ranboo's and Tubbo's friendship is to die for. Also please tell me Tubbo actually owns a house in L'manberg, because I couldn't find anything on it, asides from his old, burnt down one.

He simply cannot do this. After everything, this is his final breaking point. Losing his best friend, not to war, hell, not even to a stupid mob that could have been avoided, but to _himself._ If only he had been there for him, it all would have been avoided, yet he wasn't. He was over in L'manberg, being the President he thought everyone needed, but maybe they didn't. Maybe they didn't need him, they were doing quite well on his own. Asides from exiling Tommy to keep L'manberg "safe", what else had he done? This nation didn't need "saving", it was fine, all had been fine since it was rebuilt. The end of Wilbur should have been the end of all conflict, but of course, Tommy had to chaos more havocbut he can't blame it on the boy. Not when he's a ghost, without even a body to bury. 

This was so much different than Wilbur. When he returned as Ghostbur, no one was crying, getting emotional, they had let all that out when they watched him die. They already said goodbye, and so, they said hello to Ghostbur, and things went on mostly smoothly from there. But it's because he remembered and cherished all the happy memories, although there was a lot he forgot, he still remembered his friends, but he couldn't mend his broken relationship with Fundy that seemed long beyond repair. They were so close once, but war tore them apart. Tommy and Tubbo were somewhat in the same boat, but at the same time, at least Ghostbur remembered his son existed, he hadn't forgotten all the time they grew up together... even if there were years missing. 

But Tommy, he... he forgot about him entirely. Couldn't even remember his face, didn't recognize him in the slightest, he stared at him as if he were the one with clear-through skin. Is he suppposed to just... look past that, and rebuild their relationship from the piles of rubble and ash it had reduced to? His last memory of Tommy was back when he exiled him. Not exactly the best last moments to spend with someone, his last words being, "I'm sorry, Tommy." 

"Dammit! Why, Tommy, why?!" He needed some time to himself, to... reflect on everything. His emotions, his past, just everything. Tommy had taken in when he had nobody, just a lonely orphan in a box on the side of the street. They grew up together under one roof as a family, even if they weren't blood-related, they were brothers. It feels like he had lost a part of himself, they were never intended to be separated... it wasn't supposed to end like this. If they were going to go out, it'd be together until the very end. Yet, one had gone, leaving the other remaining by himself, all alone. 

"Dammit!" He cried out, banging his fists against the wall of his house. He closed his eyes as his knees wobbled, but no tears came out, he had used them up. That smile, so bright like the sun, it warmed his heart and brought him happiness, throughout everything it made him feel safe. Now he'd lost it, and there was nothing he could do to get it back. He hit the wall again, harder, over and over again as he screamed and cried out. He never asked for this, he didn't want to become President, he never wished to go to war, but he'd been thrown around like some ragdoll and couldn't do a thing about it. Until now, when things finally settled down, and he was left abandoned. He didn't have Tommy, or Wilbur, neither Techno, and who knows where Phil is off to. The family he had grown up with, his shelter, were long gone. 

The only thing, and people he had left was L'manberg, but even now... he didn't want to be the President, there was so much pressure on him that he couldn't handle. If only he could go back to the days, the original days of L'manberg, just when they gained independence and were recognized by Dream as their own separate country. They had achieved everything that day, nothing more to gain, but so much more to lose. It only went downhill from there, and he wishes he could have just stayed frozen in that moment of pure relief and happiness. No day afterwards, not even when they took back L'manberg, would ever bring the same emotions. It surely had been a day to go down in history.

His knees gave in, and he collapsed to his knees. He turned himself around, his back pressed against the wall and sat down on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest. "Why didn't you hold on, just a little bit longer... and I would have came to get you," he sniffled, burying his head into his arms. He said that, and yet if Tommy were still alive, he'd still be here in L'manberg, decorating for the holidays, spending time with his friends without thinking twice about it. Whereas Tommy would be all alone in Logsted, not even Ghostbur by his side. Most likely, he'd be spending Christmas day alone, while everyone else would be celebrating the end of a chaotic year together. They had each other, but Tommy... he, he had no one.

Not even Dream saved him.

He must have drifted off to sleep at some point, still sitting on the cold, hard floor. Since the news of Tommy's death, he hadn't been sleeping well. He'd close his eyes, but he'd only be left alone with his thoughts in the pitch darkness, unable to even get a couple minutes of relief. Until now, when his body couldn't take it anymore and forced himself to sleep, even if only for a little bit. Though to his fortune, no one woke him up until hours later, and that person happened to be Ranboo, who'd been searching for him with no luck. When he finally came across Tubbo sleeping, he hesitated to wake him up. He seemed so peaceful, asides from the heavy bags under his eyes that'd lost their colour, and his hair was an absolute mess, with horns pointing out through the tangled locks. His horns had grown more ever since Tommy's exile, and Tubbo had mentioned to Ranboo about how afraid he was of becoming Schlatt. He had gained them while being his secretary, after all. Noticing all of this, Ranboo could only think back to the last time he'd seen Tommy. Asides from Dream, he had been the last person to see him. 

He let him sleep for roughly half an hour more before coming back, and although he hesitated again, he softly nudged him awake. "Hey, Tubbo... how you feeling?" He whispered softly, a hand on his shoulder. Tubbo subconsciously leaned into his touch, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He could only think about what he must be going through... he had only known Tommy for a very short time before the events that caused his exile, and despite having just met him, he stood by him. He tried to be there for him throughout exile, especially as he began noticing how he started to lose his mind... and so, he made sure to let him know that no matter what, he'd stay by his side. Maybe he hadn't been clear enough, he wasn't good enough, he failed him...

He was relieved that Tommy, or his ghost still recognized him, and even seemed happy to see him again. However, compared to Tubbo, who he had known since he was a kid, it... wasn't right. He knew to look for Tubbo when he had bumped into Tommy, or his ghost, and asked about where Tubbo had gone, and explained what happened. He was genuinely worried, but he struggled showing it, his hollow eyes showed almost no emotion, and his voice was dry, and quiet. 

"Don't leave, please..." Tubbo's soft voice snapped Ranboo out of his thoughts. Tubbo clung to his arm, tight, the tears in his eyes forming. "I'm sorry..." it pained Ranboo to see him suffering like this. He'd tried to console Tommy, make him feel better, but in the end it seems his attempts were in vain. Tubbo, however, was still here, and needed consolation and comfort, which he was willing to give. He appeared to still be in a sleep-like state, simply mumbling without realizing it. 

Ranboo carefully sat down beside him, Tubbo's tight grip on his arm not loosening. The smaller boy leaned against his side, continuing to sleep peacefully, his tears drying away before they could fall down his face. Ranboo wondered, if in this state, Tubbo thought of him as Tommy, desperately clinging onto him so he wouldn't leave again. His knuckles were bruised, and had dried up blood. "I'm sorry..." he mumbled again, and Ranboo carefully raked a hand through his curls. They were only kids, sixteen year olds... who shouldn't have to go through all this. They, and everyone else in L'manberg deserved peace, no more stupid, unnecessary conflict that would only tear down their nation again. Tubbo tried to avoid that by exiling Tommy, he thought it was the right decision, he only had L'manberg's safety as his top priority and Tommy... had gone too far without meaning to. And by the time he realized that, it was far too late. He was a child who grew up in war, and such events changed and formed him into the young boy he is now, or... had been. He could have been saved, but in reality, it was nobodies fault. Especially not Tubbo's, and he needed to know that, before it's too late. 

Ranboo stayed by his side for around ten more minutes, closing his eyes and resting for a bit. Even if just for a couple of minutes they could stay like this, finally having peace to themselves and be safe from the ever-changing world around them and reality, then it was worth it. In honesty, he wishes it could have lasted longer. He had just started to drift to sleep when Tubbo shifted, and let go of his arm that had started to go numb. "Ranboo...?" 

He slowly opened his eyes to see Tubbo staring at him, confused. "What...? What are you doing here?" He asked, confused as he rubbed his eyes, and winced. He looked down at his sore knuckles, and whispered "oh", and stared up at the wall he had repeatedly punched. He rubbed his aching knuckles, and held onto the wall, trying to stand.

"Careful," his legs gave in, but Ranboo kept him steady. His mouth curved into a deep frown as he stared into his eyes, which similarly to Tommy's, had started to lose their colour. "I found you asleep, and you... didn't want me to leave, so I stayed by your side a bit," he explained, slowly removing his arms. Tubbo stared down at his feet, furrowing his brows. He rubbed his eyes, and attempted to walk away, with a slight limp in his step because one of his legs had fallen asleep.

He walked over to a window, peering outside at L'manberg. They really have come a long way since it was blown up, since the very beginning... how long had it been? He didn' have a clue. The past was the past, but he always found himself focusing in it much more than the present, and hardly ever the future anymore. What were they supposed to expect, asides from more wars and chaos to come. 

"Let's take a walk, Tubbo." 

The two of them walked through L'manberg, side by side. It was like any other day, by the looks of things, people were off doing whatever they wanted, building, mining, or simply chatting and hanging out with friends and making each other laugh. "You've really made this a great place, Tubbo."

Tubbo looked at him, trying to decipher whether he had truly meant it, or just said it to make him feel better. Either way, he was mistaken. He sighed, lowering his head. His thoughts went back to the discussion they had, about him being the next possible President next year; and he'd do a much better job than him, without a doubt, and he's sure everyone would come to agree. A truly fresh start is what they need, and he just isn't the person for that, he carries too much of the weight of his past mistakes, hopes and fears. To really move onto a new era, they need someone who didn't witness the hardships, and bloodshed that built L'manberg. 

He forced out a halfhearted chuckle, a sad smile pulling at his lips. "I don't think so, Ranboo. I didn't really do anything," he answered, raising his head to take another look around. This land is built on war, disagreements and fighting between two parties. Maybe Wilbur genuinely had a point in his madness; the L'manberg he originally founded and crafted with his own two hands, alongside his friends... they lost that a long time ago. The past L'manberg that had Wilbur as President, became something entirely different once Schlatt became in control, and even when he left, things couldn't truly be the same again. Their paradise had been lost, and recreating it would be impossible. 

"But you did, Tubbo. You did so much, you gave everyone hope... and even though you've been through so much, you stood tall, with your head held up high, and did what you thought was right, and that, is an accomplishment. They all look up to you, Tubbo," Ranboo stated, a small smile appearing on his face as he placed a hand on Tubbo's shoulder as they both came to a halt. Though, his smile quickly began to fade as Tubbo kept his head down, and his hands were balled into fists. "Tubbo─"

Tubbo swatted his hand away, gritting his teeth. "I made the right choice by exiling my friend?! He would still be alive if it weren't for me!" He yelled, hands shaking. Ranboo took a step back, caught off guard by his sudden outrage. It took a few seconds for him to calm down, realizing what he had done, he dropped his head and stared at his feet. "He's gone, Ranboo, and I... can't get him back."

For a few moments, there was only silence between them. "That's not true," Ranboo spoke up, stepping closer. Tubbo sniffled, hesitating to look up and meet his eyes. 

"Yes, it is."

"No it isn't, Tubbo." Ranboo's voice had turned surprisingly serious, enough to make Tubbo look at him. His expression had turned, serious, too, implying he meant every word he said. "He might have lost his memories, but I'm sure he's still in there, somewhere. You just need to find him. He's not gone, Tubbo, not yet." He placed a hand on his shoulder, and looked at him right in the eye, almost intimidatingly. 

But he didn't _act_ like his Tommy, didn't sound entirely like him, and he doesn't even remember how close they were. So even though he's still there, floating about as a ghost, he already lost him. However, Ranboo was determined, his words actually helping as Tubbo second guessed himself. He was still in there, somewhere, huh? How can he be sure? 

"I just know it." 

He almost let out a dry chuckle at that, but instead, a strained wheeze left his mouth. He smiled sadly, his shoulders drooping. He didn't want to get his hopes up, only to be proven wrong and everything will come crashing down again. He just wants his friend back, that's all, but if that isn't possible, then he'll simply have to accept the harsh reality. His heart can't take much more of this; it's been beaten and bruised, just a few more hits and it'll finish him. Mentally, and or physically as well. 

"Just... try talking to him, please. He went looking for you, he wants to talk... I'm sure you can figure something out, and I'll come with you," he assured. Tubbo weakly held onto his wrist, before releasing a heavy sigh and his hand fell to his side. He wanted to talk to him, huh. His mind flashed back to the confused look he gave him, clearly not understanding what he'd done wrong. It made his heart ache, so, so much. 

"Fine," he said through clenched teeth, not intending to come off so... annoyed. However, he'd agreed to it, at least, although he was still hesitant on the idea. In honesty, he felt like he was stepping on eggshells, anything could go wrong and once it does, he's not sure if he'll be able to recover. He'd just have to eventually get over the fact that he's gone, for good. 

Every step he took almost hurt, his eyes constantly checking his surroundings for _him._ He had to be somewhere in L'manberg, but to be homest, he didn't actually want to find him. Rather, he'd leave it for another time, another day... but at the same time, he couldn't lie, it's a lot easier with someone else, especially Ranboo by his side. He wondered how... he felt about Tommy's sudden death, they had grown so close the past few days, always visiting Tommy. He seemed to be doing surprisingly well, but he didn't know what was going on inside his head, Ranboo was a strong person, much stronger than him in so many ways. That's why he's going to be a better President one day.

Minutes passed, and still no sign of the ghost. He couldn't have left L'manberg, surely, but perhaps he was with someone, maybe Ghostbur. "I... don't see him anywhere," Ranboo said, and Tubbo came to a stop, staring at nothing in particular. He quietly hummed in response, and pulled out a compass from his pocket. It wasn't the one Ghostbur gave him, that pointed to Tommy... he lost it. Instead, the one he held in his hand belonged to Tommy, but it carried no use to him, since it always pointed at himself. "Your Tubbo."

He raised his head, and that's when he caught the heavy smell of ash, and smoke. His heart sank, but still he looked around for the source. "Tubbo?" Not saying a word, he followed the scent off the path, and puzzled, Ranboo trailed behind him. The smell grew stronger, until he could see literal smoke, and he slipped his compass into his pocket and sprinted towards it. He expected to find a fire behind the building, and he did, in a way. 

"T-Tommy?!" The ghost had caught himself on fire, although that shouldn't... be possible. He sat behind the thankfully cobblestone building, knees hugged to his chest, his entire body lit aflame and burning wildy, yet he did nothing to help himself. He just sat there, silently, letting himself burn. 

"Oh my god! Water, quick, we need water!" Ranboo didn't waste time collecting a bucket of water, not taking a moment to question how he had somehow set himself on fire. Instead he threw the water onto Tommy, extinguishing the flames with a loud hiss, followed by more smoke that slowly cleared away. "Tommy, are you okay?" Ranboo asked, panicked, as if he forgot the fire wouldn't harm him. 

Tubbo stood there, silent. Tommy had seemingly died in a pit of lava, hence the heavy scent of ash and smoke that he carried wherever he went. He's a ghost, there's no way for him to just catch on fire... unless he had somehow done it himself.

He looked up at them, confused, like he didn't notice the fire. He only glanced at Ranboo, before averting his attention solely to Tubbo, who wishes he'd done otherwise. "Tubbo..."

"Why were you on fire?" His tone might've came out a little... ruder, than he intended, but it didn't matter. Tommy tilted his head, then looked down at his hands.

"I... don't know. I just... lost control, I tried to remember. You, how I died and... it just, happened, my body started burning and I couldn't stop it." That's what he thought. His breath hitched, and he balled his hands into loose, shaky fists. What really caught him off guard, was how his voice sounded, no longer soft, quiet and barely audible, but louder and more like the one Tubbo was familiar with; but sad, and empty still. It annoyed him, so much, how similar they were but different at the same time. He didn't know anymore after Ranboo's statement, whether to separate the two like Wilbur and Ghostbur; Ghostbur had flat out stated that he "wasn't him". Or if he should take Ranboo's advice, and look for that part of Tommy locked away, if it even existed in the first place. 

But at the very least... he'd tried to remember. Even if he caught himself on fire because of it, it's not like he could feel it. 

"Did you..." Tubbo trailed off, pausing as he went over his thoughts. Then, he sat down beside Tommy, however the heavy smell he carried almost overwhelmed him, and sitting so close to him, he felt a warmth that could become too much over time. He tried his best to ignore them. Ranboo stayed by his side, before sitting down on the opposite side of Tommy. "Remember anything?" Tubbo continued, getting his hopes up just like he said he wouldn't, a bright glimmer in his eye, his expression softening, begging "please" in his mind. He studied Tommy's reaction, and he appeared to think on it, raising his head and looking up at the sky. 

"I'm... not sure. I remember Wilbur, when we built L'manberg... we have independence, because we're the only existing nation, then we, uhm..." right, he'd forgotten all about Dream. Although he was on their side now, somewhat, only after Tommy's exile... his memories of him weren't exactly fond. He had reasons to forget about him completely. For a moment as he searched through his memories, what were left of them at least, the colour returned to his eyes. He seemed like himself again; hopeful, reminiscing the past. Tubbo eagerly awaited his next words. Maybe, maybe there was a chance after all.

They can't be certain if he can regain his memories or not. Anytime Wilbur was close to, he would always reject it, not wanting to know anything about Wilbur, but maybe Tommy actually can remember himself, and him. Perhaps Ranboo was right, he was still in there, they just had to bring him out.

"But..." oh, oh no. He didn't even hear what he had to say, and yet the forming smile instantly dropped from his face, along with his heart that skipped a beat. He'd gotten his hopes up, and now he suffered the consequences. "I... don't remember you, not yet. I think I could... see a blurry image, a memory, of you arising but then I started burning, and I lost it." 

He'd lost it, by the sounds of it, he was so close to unlocking one of his memories, their memories together, but he couldn't. Of course he couldn't. "I'm sorry, I... I'll try again."

"No, it's... it's alright, you don't have to," Tubbo spoke softly, and reached out his hand to sit it on Tommy's shoulder, but remembering he no longer could, he pulled it back. He glanced at Ranboo, before standing up with a sigh. Ranboo stood up, questioning his actions as Tubbo stared at his feet. "It's─"

"But I want to remember," Tommy said, his voice louder than usual, determination slightly shining through. He rose to his feet, and for a moment, Tubbo could see it really was him, that determination. He wanted to throw his arms around him and hold him close in a suffocating hug, but he had lost that opportunity a while ago. ' _Please, don't'_ he thought, he didn't want to hear his next words. "I want to be your friend again, it... burns, to think of you, everything burns. But... I can push through it, so I can remember you. I want to see you smile, I feel like that'll make me happy, too." As he said that, a small smile began forming, and that broke Tubbo.

He could no longer resist; he knew it wouldn't work, he was too far gone, but his brain didn't register that before acting. "You're a ghost!" He cried out, stumbling forward he desperately attempted to hug his best friend. His heart skipped a beat and his eyes shot open at the feeling of contact, only to see that he had fallen into Ranboo's arms. His knees were wobbly, he could barely keep himself up. He glanced over his shoulder at Tommy, whom he had phased straight through, just like he thought. 

He looked down at his transparant hands, dejected. He slowly looked up at Tubbo, and it appeared he was on the verge of falling to his knees, as well. "Does that mean we can't be friends again?" He asked, his quiet voice cracking. A small flame had appeared on top of his head, that would grow and spread to the rest of his body. 

Tubbo pulled away from Ranboo and faced Tommy, watching as he began to succumb to the flames again. Could they really make this work? They don't exactly have anything else to lose, and everything they've lost to gain. The fire spreaded to the rest of his hair, and his right shoulder, growing out of control. "Tommy..." hearing his name, he raised his head. All he wants is to hold him close, embrace him, have him back. Why can't he? What did they do to deserve this?

He held out his hand, and tried to hold his, and even though it phased through, it still looked like he was holding his hand, and he could feel the warmth. "You were like a brother to me, more than a friend. We grew up together, you, me, Techo and Wilbur under Phil... you found me on a street corner in a box, and I was adopted into your family. You always looked out for me, promising that you'd always protect me no matter what... and you did, but I should have protected you."

Tommy chuckled, it was dry and strained, but he wore a smile. "But you're still alive, so I did a good job at protecting you, right?" 

Maybe, he always put him first over himself. When Tubbo had called him selfish and Ranboo stood up for Tommy, he was right. Tommy isn't selfish, he's the exact opposite, especially when it comes to those he cares about. He always stayed by Wilbur's side even as he started to go insane, because he cared about him, he was his older brother, he couldn't bare to lose him or travel down this path alone. He cared about Techno, they had the typical sibling relationship with how Techno always teased him, it was only after Techno blew Tubbo up with fireworks that their relationship changed. He turned his back to Techno, unable to forgive him even though Tubbo did. He'd lost a life, and no matter what, he was going to make sure he wouldn't lose his last one. 

Tubbo had always known Tommy was on his final life, ever since he lost his second. Dream threatened to take it away if he wasn't exiled, and Tommy, despite the power difference between the two, fought back and put his own life, and L'manberg in danger. Tubbo had sent him away not only to save his nation, but Tommy, to avoid Dream from killing him. Though it seems that went in vain. In reality, he would have been much safer remaining in L'manberg, by his side. Quackity and Fundy were right to choose to fight against Dream, or were they? It'd end in another war, that their country might not survive. He couldn't take that risk. 

"Right..." 

Maybe... it isn't too late for a new beginning.


End file.
